Activities that build self-esteem:
5 points for choosing one

What is self-esteem? The two pillars

In a word, self-esteem is “the feeling that you matter.” We think of it as having two pillars.

With only one of the two, it wobbles. Confidence that rests only on “I can do it” crumbles easily after a failure. “I’m fine as I am” alone does not give much energy to take on challenges. An activity is a place where both can grow at the same time.

Signs that self-esteem is dropping

• “What’s the point,” “I can’t,” “not someone like me” have become catchphrases
• Dislikes new things before even trying them
• Is so afraid of failing that they won’t start at all
• Brushes off praise with “but…”
• Gets down when comparing themselves with friends or siblings
• Stops saying what they feel or think

Even if some of these apply, there is no need to worry too much right away. When children are tired or their environment changes (starting school, moving up a grade, moving house and so on), anyone’s self-esteem dips for a while. What matters is to add, little by little, experiences that turn “what’s the point” into “maybe I’ll give it a try.”

5 points of an activity that builds self-esteem

1. Small “I did it” moments are visible

   A kyu or dan grade, one finished piece, one task. When goals are divided into small steps, children get to taste “I did it” again and again. With only a big goal, confidence wears thin on the way there.

2. Effort and ideas are recognized, not just results

   “You kept thinking right to the end” rather than “100 points, amazing.” Children who are praised only for results tend to feel they have no worth when the results don’t come. At the trial lesson, watch what the teacher praises.

3. Children go at their own pace

   When everyone is expected to move at the same speed, slower children feel only “I can’t.” In a classroom that follows each child’s own progress, children are compared with who they were yesterday.

4. A place with no right answer, where they can say what they think

   Time with “no right answer,” like drawing or dialogue, builds the security of “what I feel won’t be dismissed.” This becomes the base of “I’m fine just as I am.”

5. Simply “keeping it up” becomes confidence

   Even once a week, continuing for a year is a big source of confidence for a child. Whether the number of lessons, the time and the place let your child continue without strain is also an important point when choosing.

Each activity: strengths and things to watch for

Every activity has strengths and things to watch for. Even the same activity changes greatly depending on the classroom and the teacher. Rather than the type of activity, look at “what kind of face my child has in that classroom.”

What Kodomo School does

At Kodomo School, we build “visible skills” such as calculation and beautiful handwriting through soroban and calligraphy, and “invisible strengths (the heart)” through time for dialogue.

Wakutomo Cards (Wakuwaku Tomodachi Cards)

These are cards we hand out in class every month. They carry everyday questions such as “What do you like?” and “Why do you think so?” and make a good start for conversations at home. For example, one month asks “What is my personality like?” and in another month children collect what they like, what they are good at and what they were praised for to make a “Me Encyclopedia.”

Kodomo Wakuwaku Kaigi (philosophy dialogue for children)

A gathering where children think carefully about and discuss questions that make even adults think, such as “What is happiness?” By putting their feelings into words and listening to friends’ different ideas, children come to feel that they matter and that they are connected to the people around them. It is held from time to time.

Art philosophy dialogue

In the Art class, children look at famous paintings and talk about “How did it make you feel?” Read more in The benefits of a children’s drawing and art class.

Our founder and principal, Taito Morita, has written a book that brings these efforts together: 『こどもの「自己肯定感」がグングン育つ本』 (“The Book That Makes Children’s Self-Esteem Grow and Grow”). Please also see Education dialogue: philosophy dialogue and self-esteem, where he talks about philosophy dialogue with a university professor.

What you can do at home

1. Put the process into words, not just the result: Add “You practiced every day, didn’t you?” to “100 points, great!” Having someone who sees their effort is the base of confidence.
2. Compare with who they were yesterday, not with others: Retire “Your big brother could do it.” Try “You’re writing more neatly than last month.”
3. Don’t dismiss their feelings: Instead of “Don’t cry over something like that,” start with “That was frustrating, wasn’t it?” When their feelings are accepted, children bounce back faster.
4. Ask “What do you think?” and listen to the end: Don’t rush the answer, don’t give the right answer, just listen. It becomes an experience of their own thoughts being valued.
5. Parents talk about themselves too: “Actually, Mom likes to do things at her own pace.” When parents talk about themselves, children find it easier to talk, and conversations go deeper.

Frequently asked questions

You’re fine just the way you are. Your “I did it!” moments will keep growing from here!

About the author

Taito MoritaFounder & principal of Kodomo School (Morita Group Co., Ltd.)

He carries on the Morita Juku founded in Toyohashi in 1972. Through soroban, calligraphy and art at about 90 classrooms in Aichi and Shizuoka and at our Hanoi school in Vietnam, he helps children build the strength to believe in themselves. He also gives talks and seminars on education.

Message from our founderTalks & seminarsUpdated: October 8, 2026